January 2011
19 posts
I just received a card from my mom, which is kind of weird in and of it’s self. In the card she wrote “live your best life.” It made me feel good, to be in her thoughts.
So tired of this empty feeling in me
I wasn’t born a failure
No more living in regret
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
So I say goodnight
To dreams that won’t be realized
I can’t sleep with desperation by my side
As the memories start to fade
Now I live for better days
Thank you to my friends who helped distract me from my bullshit tonight
It’s funny how you can feel so safe and secure in life, and how quickly everything can come crashing down. How one day everything is ok and the next day you get knocked on your ass. I’m trying to find a light or a silver lining in this complicated awkward life of mine. I’m coming up short, but at least I’m trying. I just wish more then anything I could feel stable in my...
I’ve got no future but I think I can deal with it, I think I can live,
if I can just look at one person
and see them smile at me and know that they meant it.
I’m looking for the upsides to these panic-attack nights
where I’m staying in eating take-out food by TV light
I’m trying to play the b-side to this awkward life of mine
You could flip me over
I’d sing a few lines about how
I’m so used to shooting myself in the kneecaps
standing in the way of progress or letting down my friends
When will my mind and soul settle the fuck down.
And to top it all off the loud snow plows are plowing the train station lot…
It’s almost seven am. My car is stuck…hope I don’t get a ticket. Someone is asleep downstairs in my bed. My anxiety is spiking. I feel like I’m losing control…I don’t want that feeling anymore. It has cost me too much. This house feels odd. Barren and void. Cold. When is this going to end.
“Looked into the sky. Walked another mile. Watching the snowfall...
Two doctors appointments in one day. Why does getting healthy require such brutal waiting rooms.:(
P.S. I am someday going to start an organization that hunts tiger poachers. We will be infiltration experts. We will join poachers groups. Then tranquilize them. Strip them down and take there weapons. Then drop them in highly populated tiger areas and see how they like it…dickheads.
It’s official. National Geographic: Tigers of the Snow is my new favorite. Tigers are soooooooo awesome.
So here I am again on the train. Lost in thought which is a blessing and a curse. When it hit me. As sad and lost as I feel maybe this is where my journey to find happiness should begin. For a while now I have told myself I am going to find out what it takes to have some happiness in my life that doesn’t require someone else. To live for myself and no one else. To not shut down emotionally...
Find me a reason, to not sink in these waves.
“Never rely on someone else
You gotta do what you gotta do for yourself
Life is...”
– DT
Tim Barry (Memento Mori)
It happens nearly every...
“Walking wounded and dazed. Is there anyone alive out there tonight? I hear rain...”
– H.R. Monster